As an associate minister, UCC minister Lillian Daniel got stuck with the non-member weddings. She writes about being ordered around by engaged couples and listening to their rants about organized religion. She was treated like a service for purchase, similar to the caterer.
She brings this up in a review of G. Jeffrey MacDonald's book, Thieves in the Temple: The Christian Church and the Selling of the American Soul. MacDonald writes that the religious marketplace is full of people looking for a church that meets their desires, a church that requires very little of them.
Instead, MacDonald argues that people ought to be looking for a church that shapes their desires. He says people need a faith that requires commitment, sacrifice, and the occasional denial of our whims and desires.
The Christian Century Magazine, January 25, 2011
With all due respect, Lillian Daniel did not have to submit to the role of a purveyor of wedding services for consumers. I know from experience that, with the backing of one's church board, one can reframe non-member weddings as a form of ministry with clear, explicit standards and expectations up front, including a fee schedule and guidelines about what will and will not be permitted, required premarriage counseling/consultations, who will run rehearsals (the minister), etc. When I was in the parish, I found that conducting non-member weddings was mostly a gratifying experience and an opportunity for significant ministry.
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